If you’re meeting me for the very first time, Hi, I’m Jestine and I grew up as an only child. I tell everyone I know because wtf is this and why is this a thing? I could have the birds and bees conversation but that’s mad awkward so let’s talk about something less cringe like, why are we left to figure this life out shit without a blueprint or “likkle elp” as I like to say. For some, this experience can be super confusing like how should I walk, or talk, or like, when I always wanted a bruthaaaaa or sistaaa.

Fun fact: Only children make up approximately only 1 in 5 people globally, or around 20% of the population. The percentage can vary depending on the country and cultural factors, but in many places, it’s a significant, though minority, group. It’s more common amongst Asian, American, and Western European middle to upper class families.

Since I’m a black girl from the Bronx & Harlem, I can’t begin to tell you the blank stares I’ve gotten after telling people I don’t have siblings 🧍🏾‍♀️. But I’ve grew to fall in love with my own company. I’d get lost in my interest like art, music videos, and reciting the script to 13 going on 30 since it’s my 30th time watching it. What a life lol ..

Once upon a time I went to Centenary college in NJ back in 2016, and I was studying fashion merchandising. I took a few core classes and one of them was a sewing class. I was sooo excited to finally utilize my sewing machine skills that I’ve accumulated prior to starting school. Although I had my own sewing machine, my class had the real old industrial sewing machines which I live for. During finals, I was rushing to finish a garment and I sew the needle through my left index finger. I’ve never forget the fucking pressure I felt going though my finger, but I was able to lift the needle and retrieve my finger.

Long story short, til this day a small piece of that needle is still in my finger. Shortly after that I dropped out of school because I just gave up. I wish I had a sibling to be like no bitch, get that damn degree, but there was NOBODY. So hopefully that debunks the “all only children are spoiled” topic because why did I have to ultimately put myself through college? 🤔

I think every only child goes through numerous identity crisis and ego deaths every few months because it’s hard to define who you are in general. But to add to the fact that you have to gain your inspiration from complete strangers or unknown things is a bit intimidating. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy being an “only” because I’m grown now, period.

My inspiration to be, is inspired by everyday. The smell of coffee, love,art, sex, food, the ability to enjoy a gummy that allows me to have a whimsical day, and to listen to amazing vast music at any given time inspires me. Seeking these things were a key element to my being, even on days when I wanna go on time out from life 🙂 . I do what I want, I say what I want, I wear what I want, when I want, and who gon check me boo?

An only child is a flawed individual who seeks to find meaning within this lifetime. Overtime it changes due to whatever the world or the moon is going through, but for the most part we just tryna find what really allows us to no longer be so fucking pitiful. We often experience imposter syndrome, especially if we’re not nurtured from childhood til death do us part 🙂 . If we’re given the validation from those who we call parents you can be amazing in this world, but you have to also speak up.

How can you validate where passion doesn’t exist?

Trigger warning? Lol: As someone that spoke up bitch, your parents better love you forreal because I got a reality check and that bitch was THICK when I spoke up 🫠. My authentic voice caused me to intentionally seperate myself from family that didn’t even scratch the surface of the bare minimum. I use to pity myself like I don’t have family as if they left like girl, YOU chose this. But it doesn’t mean it hurts less. It hurts with them around and when they’re not, but I’m still figuring out what’s worse, but in the meantime, I’m figuring out what’s feels good and embracing my long lost desire to be a sensualist. I lost track of my desires because I desired people’s fucking much. I’m not really a people person, but I do love my chosen family dearly. You love me even when I’m not palatable, and that’s what I’m talmbout.

I say this often but no matter if you have 1000 siblings having the experience of unconditional love from your parents really influences you to truly become who you think you are. I know people hate to admit it but it’s thee absolute truth. The confidence you exude comes from them saying I’m proud of you, helping you learn how to drive, looking up at graduations and THEY are there, pushing you towards success and not giving up, investing in your mental health OR not contributing possibly? Rooting for your greatest good, not theirs, is really key for anyone but specifically for us. If they’re not also an only, they cannot project their dream of you when you do not align with that person. Parents will be parents but you, also have to confidently be YOU.

Let’s take Latto, her parents were there from the moment that little girl could rap then her sister Brooklyn became her “waist bag”, or Rihanna was deh pon di replay with a support system, and the list goes on and on. But for only children like Ciara, Drew Barrymore, and my fave Megan Thee Stallion, it took them alittle longer to realize who tf they were. It’s just science baby, I don’t make the rules.

Since “onlys” don’t have biological siblings to encourage and support them through life, the confidence to simply be, and to transition into being your best is a tough battle. Unlike those who do, they have someone that they can look up to or inspire to be their best. So what do you do now? You’re an only child, boo hoo bitch get over it.

In life:

You’ll fall in love, you’ll fall out and bitch nobody is going to wipe your tears, you got hands. You’ll make friends and you might loose them, but the one thing I’ll say is to truly experience them all of them. Your friends are the lessons you’ll need to learn to become a powerful individual. People are put into our lives to reflect versions of ourselves that are compartmentalized deep down in the cooler (the brain). Duality is beautiful but it’s even more beautiful in dynamics that you experience and not control. Let it go, and do not prioritize anyone’s happiness but yours.

You’ll pick up new hobbies, you’ll put that shit down lol. You’ll learn how to swim, and forget. You’ll be liberated, and you’ll be naive. You’ll be up, and youll be down. You’ll be insecure, and you’ll be bold. But you have to pick a side. That is truly what’s going to allow you to understand your power.

What’s something that I could be doing right now that I’m not doing because I’m too worried about someone saving/pitying me?

NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY, will understand your blueprint because it’s yours. It lives within you. Everything you touch, feel, and invest time and energy into, becomes apart of the blueprint. YOU have to realize now, it’s MY turn to become THEE only.